The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
