Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
