haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
