found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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