Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
