um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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