Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
