i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
