So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
