Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
