This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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