What did we do last night that was yellow?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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