Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ketchup is God's man juice
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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