Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
