Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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