So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
