we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
