why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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