By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
