Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
