Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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