he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
