Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
