I bet he comes in French.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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