Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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