so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
