I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
