just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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