I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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