Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
