The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
