the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
