it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
