Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
