my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
