Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
