Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
