All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
