So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
