I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
