Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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