clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
