I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
