everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
