I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
