I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
