I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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