You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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