The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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