After last night, I could never be a politician.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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