The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
