Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
